In our ‘apparently’ modern world where eighteen has only just become a label as certain legal limits, where we are ‘almost’ married before the very age, we don’t acknowledge the boundary that differentiates love and lust, and making love and having sex. What can the difference be – between ‘having sex’ and having sex? Aren’t the two of them same in essence? But, are they?
In essence, they are not! There’s a lot we might need to map while mapping the road from having sex to making love.
Which is why it is necessary, in a way, that we know the boundaries. That we know the line that demarcates having sex from making love. That how, and with whom, is it that we supposedly make love? So, here’s for partners who wish to have time that stays with them.
We bring to you today, some ideas on how to make love. Where to begin, what to do, when and how to end.
- What does ‘Making Love’ mean?
- Begin With Eye-Warming Comfort
- Take Your Partner’s Hand
- Hold Them, But Allow a Flow
- Stay With Your Love
- Do Not Lose the Touch
- Cum Along
- The Final Hot Chocolate
1. What does ‘Making Love’ mean?
It should be shared with someone who you truly love. It’s slow, it’s gentle, it’s romantic, it’s meaningful and it usually involves a lot of touching and kissing. Afterwards, there’s often cuddling & kisses, rather than it being a quickie. It’s not just fast pleasure, but quite more than that. Making love is completely different from having sex, by which I mean having sex could just be anything, with just anyone.
We’ve known for long now what prostitution is, what rapes are. There doesn’t need to be the ‘each other’ when it comes to having sex. Having sex neither does need to be anything more than physical, anything reasonable enough. It can be mere fun – one we choose to experience in one night stands; it could be without even having been acquainted already. Also, it doesn’t even need a ‘we’, which is rather a necessity when it comes to making love. Whereas sex stands for individuality, which is the opposite of making love.
What making love is, is the essence of ‘we’. It is the ultimate physical manifestation of romantic love. The opposite of fucking. An emotional investment – one that demands an at least equivalent return. So, technically, it’s not just had, like having sex, it happens when we share the love in its most romantic form, and that we hardly do with almost everyone.
Making love is our choice for achieving a deeper connection with our other half, and so, it needs a bit of effort. And as it is, for many couples, achieving this level of connection is the ultimate goal in the bedroom. But, does everyone know how to achieve it? That might not be the case, but do we need to be ashamed of our ignorance? There’s nothing wrong with knowing it for the first time even if we are in our mid-twenties or mid-forties. Nor do we need to be, specifically, male or female to begin with it. What’s required is the essence than ‘who’ sets it forth. Though it can be prizing for you to observe that it is you who gives your other half this level of pleasure.
So, to begin with, our goal is to —
2. Begin With Eye-Warming Comfort
Something all of us like. A tell-tale scenery to begin with. A window overlooking the hills by the sea, but that’s not a necessity, because when we talk about a room, it’s the room that’s our world – one that needs to be inviting enough. Usually with dim lights, a locked door, a piece of favourite music playing on an iPod, welcoming us in privacy.
What’s still more necessary? Make sure the space is warm, clean, and as mentioned –‘inviting’, with changed sheets, and a scented candle lit in a corner. A little cleaning up beforehand should be taken care of, so that the scene you set would be almost fitting in a movie if nothing else.
Rehearse a little beforehand how you receive your partner by your side, just so you could boost up your wriggling little confidence; because as with every other act, here too, we need ample confidence. That’s how we begin with it, making it a quiet sanctuary.
And now that you’ve got the place all set, you have to –
3. Take Your Partner’s Hand
Express what’s in your heart (and head) to the one, because having made love before doesn’t guarantee another good wave of lovemaking, it goes quite on the contrary. More so, because having made love before could have been an act that was not much thought out, but instead one as a consequence of getting overwhelmed by the intensity of feelings. Make sure there’s enough time at hand for even the littlest acts of pleasure – it’s not a cup of coffee we drink while we’re in a hurry.
Your other half should know how much you love them, which is why that form of expression is particularly significant. You can replicate this by taking the time to show and tell them how much you are in love with them. Perhaps plan a romantic dinner at your favorite restaurant or plan a meal before everything else with them, something that assures you have a good time along. After all, it’s hard not to feel the emotion after a romantic date.
Only don’t let your expression of devotion, of how much you adore your better half, fade once sex begins. Because if that happens, you might not be on your way to making love, it might just be a tedious old thing. Tell the ‘one’ that you love them during the act. It will make everything feel that much more intense. And never, never be in a hurry! It’s quite important, rather more necessary than anything else in the act.
4. Hold Them, But Allow a Flow
In a quite literal sense too, because you don’t just thrust yourself on your love. You’ve got to slow things down to make love. We literally mean slowing the pace and taking more time to get to the final event.
Respect the way they react. Observe your partner’s tempo. Because, after all, sex must not be a run-run thing when you’re in love!
For this, foreplay is a great way to learn how to make love, once you dedicate ample time to it. Moreover, it helps ensure an ultimate orgasm – this is one thing so many of us get worried about. Take enough time … enough, enough time! Trace your fingers through every crack and crevice in their skin, like a map … only learn your half like nobody else.
The smell, the taste of the portions of their skin, their breath; experience the act like a journey, like one with no goals, after all, that’s what matters.
5. Stay With Your Love
Stay! Don’t just wander around! While making love, you’ll need your head to be in the moment with your heart rather than flickering like a candle flame. For that, you might wish to practice a little meditation on a routine basis (not on a strenuous one, however) – something to keep your overactive mind at peace, so that you stay in the moment rather than run out of it. It’s not a tough thing to do, is it?
Focusing on breathing does help in such situations. Well, focus on your better half’s breathing too. You may choose to breathe in tandem, or even imagine yourself inhaling their breath and then inhaling yours. It could give both of you a better sense of togetherness, and that’s what it is all about. Some of us, however, might still need to move a bit further for stimulation.
Observe moans! Try changing positions. Experiment, and stay in the game.
6. Do Not Lose the Touch
This is a kind of a defining boundary: you keep feeling, you’re making love. If you’ve lost the feel, or get even a little disconnected, it may not seem as lovemaking. And neither of you would wish to create room for a tedious old thing, would you?
None of it is too much of this or that. If you feel like the connection that you’ve made loosens, you might like to take care of them in the same way in bed as you do away from the bed, when you’re always there for them throughout the day. The trick is to be yourself — no more, no less! And you don’t have to act, because you are not a fucking actor, nor are you in a play.
Keep the connection. Don’t lose the flame, and for this, eye contact works wonders. Look at your love. You know they’re a river. Look through the eyes, look into them! Keep up the conversation when your lips are apart, between kisses and whenever you can. But don’t talk! Just speak softly and whisper through their ears. Speak some words out loud. Say that you love them (you might not wish to be inspired by porn videos for the dialogues).
Eye contact, however, is the first step in helping you feel more connected, which is why both of you might also choose to avoid certain sex positions that are more skin than soul.
Holding hands is yet another way of being more with each other. You could also choose to wrap your arms around your partner in a manner almost equivalent to hugging to keep your bodies closer while you make love. If you’re a boy, you might like to know that kissing her around the temple helps you heat up things in a positive direction, whereas a girl can bury her face in his neck, moaning almost directly into his ear.
Kissing, then, is also a big difference between making love and casual sex, because, for some reasons, some people have been known to never kiss people they are not in love with. Obviously, one-night stands do not stand for making love for similar reasons. There should be a lot to keep the involved couple close but there is just not enough. You need to trust each other, both emotionally and physically, for this kind of thing. Else, there are least chances you will –
7. Cum Along
Obviously, this is not the easiest of things. Nor is it so obvious that it happens, that both you and your partner orgasm at the same time. But – there’s always a ‘but’! If you do, it just adds to everything.
To cum at the same time, there’s a lot of Maths involved, which we can trace back to when foreplay begins. It includes your knowledge of how long it takes you to get off and what you need to do. Talking to your partner makes such things easier, and you need to be comfortable enough (obviously, it’s love we are talking about here!).
Now, if it typically takes your girl much longer to get to the point of no return than it does to you, starting with oral sex or manual stimulation might be necessary. There might be a little practice needed, but not necessarily.
After you’ve both orgasmed, stay connected through kissing, cuddling, and perhaps talking. Enjoy the time you’re going to have together too. Get some sleep, maybe, together. ‘Together’ here, is an important factor because it might not look like love if both of you just run towards your tool sheds (back to work)after sex. Give each other some time. Maybe stick close as if an earthquake were to happen.
Also, even though the art of lovemaking is wonderful, the feeling wanes after a while, like wallflowers. It’s necessary that it be worked upon. Keep things fresh and warm between you.
8. The Final Hot Chocolate
In short, the necessities are, that:
- You need to keep making them feel special and believe me, they will reciprocate.
- Enjoy your time along, obviously, but more importantly, let your love know that you do.
- Support them, by standing along, sharing emotions, secrets, and vulnerabilities … strengthen your trust.
- Most importantly, take your time, but also – wait for your better half.
And, obviously, there’s not just one way to love; only if you keep in mind that the kind of perfection that we get to watch on screens could be utopian. Do not dream for those, nor resent yourself on not having achieved it even once.
Love the way you and your love do things. Because for many of us, there’s no greater way to connect with our partner than to make love – when we are the most vulnerable.